a mom who works....

Okay. Here goes nothing. I am always thinking of things I want to blog but never following through. Today:I follow through.
We don't talk enough about the balancing act that is parenting and having a career. I am a first generation mom who works and therefore had no reference point as I began my journey. I have figured out so much on my own and through mentors along the way. I finally feel like I have advice to give.

Rule #1: You make the rules for your family. This is actually a recurring theme in my life that I have just recently began to own. Don't let society or the fear of parental failure guide your choices.

• You decide how clean your house needs to be, within the guidelines of CPS of course.
• You decide how many of the endless extracurricular activities your family can partake in.
• You choose whether or not being a mom who works is right for you!

Rule #2: Read only if you have a parenting partner.Tell your spouse what you need. Devin and I have always shared responsibility for our families needs. He took his turn getting up with our babies when they were infants and has continued to contribute ever since. It should not be looked at as emasculating. Gender roles in the home are just another example of our generations progression. I have working friends whose spouses do nothing and they are always stressing trying to get everything done.Devin cooks, I clean.I get kids up in the morning and supervise homework. He does bedtime and makes sure they get there backpacks together. That doesn't mean I never cook or he never takes care of homework, but generally we stick to the routine.It's such comfort to know that if something were to happen, he could manage this household. That said:I manage the household at this point in our life together. I keep the schedule organized and make sure that bills get paid. This is what works for us.

Rule#3:Childcare is paramount. Finding a good daycare, nanny or babysitter is right up there with marrying the right person. If you can do your job without worrying about your child's safety and education, you are a more valuable employee. And nobody likes the mom who calls in because she doesn't have reliable childcare.I was fortunate enough to find a daycare I loved so much I bought a home across the street. Our owner/director has provided me with parental support that I cannot put a price on. She is willing to take and pick them up from activities, supervise homework, and drop them to me at work when I stay late, have had more than one teacher praise my daycare's achievements in preparing my kiddos for school. She gets them birthday gifts, takes them on out of town field trips and most importantly genuinely loves my kids. AND they love her.
I should point out that my kids don't go to daycare anymore because I get off when they get out of school which leads me to.......

Rule#4:A good job is more than paying the bills. I have worked in pharmacy for 9 years now and made some great contacts up to this point. I have proven my value and work for an employer who rewards good behavior. If you work for a decent company and pay your dues, your employer will accommodate your needs as a parent. Sometimes that means taking a long lunch to go to a school event or having your children at work with you. Don't call in when you are sick unless it's contagious-save those sick days for when the kids are sick. You can work with a cold. If you need to earn more money to pay childcare, don't tell your boss that. Tell them how awesome you are and how you deserve to be compensated for your time. Don't job hop! You have to establish a history with a company and have them invested in you as an employee before you can ask for flexibility.Plus we want to teach our children to be loyal and job hopping is not a symptom of loyalty.

Rule#5:Parenting is about quality not quantity. Time spent watching TV is not quality time. Reading a book or playing a game is. It's not even about making memories, it's about raising quality humans. Lately I have made tweaks to my own parenting style. My children have a ton of personality which is great, but also means they need alot of attention and stimulation. Because I work, my time at home must be divided between household duties and nurturing their needs. Plus (I'll be honest) having sometime to myself. But recently I began working on actually LISTENING when they talk. Don't judge me, we all do it. We tune them out sometimes;I mean when they are ALWAYS talking sometimes I go on autopilot and just nod to pacify them. I realized I was doing this because my kids were always telling me that I had agreed to do this or play that and I had no clue what they were talking about. So now I am making a point to engage with them unless what I am doing is so pressing that it cannot wait.

As a young mother I had a real problem with moms who DIDN"T work. Doesn't that sound terrible. I think it was because I was constantly being told by stay at home moms that they need to be home to bond with their child, keep house, run their kids around,etc.I choose to work but believe me the bond is there, the house is clean(enough), and my kids are involved in plenty of activities. My thinking has always been I GET ALL THAT DONE and work. So I guess I was defensive. I have outgrown that soap box and now understand that the women's movement was all about CHOICE. I now love a parent who can stay home, cook meals from scratch, have an immaculate house,prepare her tot for school, do the PTA,and volunteer at the school.That is my idea of what a stay at home mom should do.   I still get annoyed with the "I don't have to work" stay at home moms----Honey none of us HAVE to work.We could live on my husband's income.I work for lots of reasons. I like knowing that if something terrible happens and I am the sole provider, I could support my family. I work because I want my kids(primarily my daughter) to know that women can do anything they want to. I work because I stink at cooking and cleaning. My work is mine. It's is something I achieve everyday and that I take pride in. I am a mom who works,not a working mom. The "mom" comes before the "work". As I approach the midpoint of my parenting life I am really embracing my role as parent. My work has always come easily to me, PARENTING now that's a challenge.....